My mind is a dangerous place
I try not to think at anything just to stay sane
Or a bit sane, as you please,
Maybe I have something, I don't know its name
I don't know the name of the disease.
Is it okay if I continuously scream 'Stop! Stop!' ?
Or do I have to keep it flowing?
Put my head into water 10 degrees
Below, so as the mind would drop
To its normal functioning.
They're not voices, that's just me
It's me who wants this, all this seclusion
Me, a sanity wannabe
Me, your next-door delusion
Me, an unwanted flea.
Me, an unwritten conclusion.
'You can't enter here!
Freaks are not allowed!'
'But, but...' the door is shut
And you're again left alone in the big crowd.
While walking along the street
You see a piece of glass
And look at it to see yourself,
Wondering why do they all feel the need to harass.
There is nothing, nothing out of the ordinary
You start to think they are the freaks
Ruthless, merciless, unkind men
Like huge vultures with their cruel beaks.
It's their doing, their fault!
You're as innocent as a lamb
You don't have to believe what they say
You're definitely not a freak... Damn!
So you go to the next house and knock at the door
They open it and shake their head
While you're trying to get into the house
The people who live there shoot you dead.
You're on the stairs, your blood's all over the 'Welcome' carpet
Your mouth is open and the shot your teeth has spread.
As they look closer, they can see very well the face
Of the well-known freak who was long time dead.
I'm still breathless, and I can't resurrect
And I'm stuck at this song, it's on repeat.
'Down in a Hole', Layne's words are
I'm down in that hole, I accept defeat.
Part of my growing up, they say,
It will be over and you will one day smile
Maybe they're right, maybe they too were like me in a way
But unlike them, I want to stay in this hole a little while.
Wonderful is the instinct of preservation
The things that your mind just block
The things that you don’t know how to handle
The things which you control them with an enormous lock.
You say ‘no’, but inside it's ‘yes’
Up there, it’s like a never-ending hurricane.
Which spins and spins, but in the end
You just want to keep your mind sane.
One day it will all go out
And the crossed out thoughts would be unleashed
Then you will remain silent
Watching the enormous lock broken, unwished.
Vulnerable coeur
My inside you tore
Apart and gone
And I still sore.
Vulnerable before
All these were over
Now your face
In my knife I bore.
Perfect stillness, besides the rising of her chest
Watery eyes and a broken smile.
She feels her heart beating through her entire body
Although it had stopped beating for a while.
The pleasure she had offered to her naked shell
Was the one that made the pearl burn.
But looking at the right side of the bed
There wasn’t, isn’t and never will be a heart beating in return.
Whispers around you
Choking your every thought
Where are they coming from?
That’s the only question you’ve got.
They keep telling they need your aid
They pull down your sleeve,
They take you by the hand
You can’t handle this, and try to leave.
But they just won’t lay back
They want more and more
You don’t hear whispers, but another question:
What are you there for?
Then, they just stop
And you hear a whisper that’s slow and mild
It’s the one you wanted to hear, the death’s one saying:
Sleep my child!
What do you want from me?
Why are you coming with your problems?
Can I really out of the box see?
Do you really think I’ve got all the answers?
You are the ones who can’t look further!
You are the ones who can’t use you intuition!
You are the ones who can’t try harder!
You are the ones who can’t get free from your own exhibition!
How could you aware not be
That life, life deprives
How could let a broken thing like me
Be the leader of your lives?
If in an hour the end of the world was near
What would you most fear?
Fear of not knowing
Where your soul is going?
Fear of not achieving lifetime dreams?
Fear of not repenting your sins?
Fear of being alone
Fear of maggots eating your flesh till the bone?
Fear of telling yourself it’s just a lie
Fear of knowing you’ll never again cry
Fear of saying to all goodbye?
No. It’s just the fear that you’ll perish and die.
It is always so full of files and folders
All you have to do is press Delete and Yes
But if you don’t want them to be here
Just press Delete and Shift
And every file and folder from you computer will forever disappear.
[ This poem is just a joke and should be taken as such. It's an English homework, in fact :P For more info about how it all started, check the poem 'Ode To A Jar Of Pickles' and also Ireene's thing Ode To A Toothpick ]
Like a mirror
Smashed into million pieces.
You’re stupefied, you look at them on the floor
And don’t seem to recognize them anymore.
You get down on your knees
Trying to put them back together.
And you just hope and say ‘Please
Don’t do that again! Ever!’
She’s very fragile
As well as the box she's in
Don’t lose her sight,
Know everywhere she has been
Wants to run away? Don’t let her…
A minute ago, something banged!
The next one, a girl was found hanged.
No human feelings, remember?
Remember the hatred that you mustn’t unfold?
No word must be tender
Instead, you must be cold.
Look at them smiling pathetically
Are their smiles even true?
Ever person acts like that, generally
Every person, except you.
You felt that some time ago
Yeah, you haven’t forgotten
But now you sank a whole lot low
And your soul has rotten.
She’s very careful
She’s looking to her left and to her right
She’s looking up
She cannot express her fright.
But she continues
It’s not over yet
She’s walking past the bodies
Still no regret.
‘It’s easy!’ she thinks
‘You just have to watch out.’
She laughs and walks faster
No worry, there’s no doubt.
A few steps pass,
And a body takes her ankle hold
One mistake, just one
Was needed to make her old.
She screams, she moves her foot
It finally lets it go
She continues
So…
As time passes
The bodies still touch her
And by every touch
She is elder and elder.
Now, she’s too old
One more mistake can be fatal
She keeps walking cautiously
Till she reaches the end of the hall.
There’s the mirror!
She can see all
She can see her pathetic life
She can see she is tall.
She can see she is fat
She can see she is thin
She can see she is ugly
She can see her every sin.
This is not the mirror!
It’s a fake
This is not the mirror
For fuck’s sake!
Depression, black thoughts
Sadness, anger, confusion
Guilt, starvation, uselessness
Underestimation, desolation.
Fright, faith, misanthropy
Powerless, disgust
Hopelessness, stupidity
And let’s not forget lust.
But there was nothing of these.
It showed even fame.
She wanted to see her life
That’s why she wanted to play this sick game.
So, she bashed the mirror
This, she could not stand
She fell down, breathless
She fell down, next to the dead.
The years that have passed with nothing to do
Have been shallow
But that thing kind of changed after i met you
And after the first 'hello'.
Just a look, just a gaze,
Just a quick peak,
Now it's just a memory, a faze,
And i have become weak.
Weak of trying to get through you,
Through what you really are
To know what you will next do
Be near to me or run far.
I'm still waiting,
A new feeling i bore
The one you want repeating
The one when you want more and more.
Angry, sad and confused
Not knowing which one i feel most
Maybe i was used,
Maybe, but i still fell like a ghost.
I felt special, helpless and protected
Maybe i wanted attention
It's over now, i might just forget it
And put my soul this question
I ask mysel'
Why do i even bother
I think i'll better get back in my shell
So that i can be hurt by no other.
