+ Horizontal 8 Ep. 4

She was only 17. Her blouse was of an eye-bleeding colour and her dress was way too long. She hated that dress. It always swept the dust from the pavement and her mother would scream at her.

'I told you to take care of the dress! You never listen to me! You barely take care of your own things, how are you supposed to take care of others?' Urgh, she was the one who made her wear that silly dress, not her! All the other girls in the school wore different clothes than her, more teenage-like, more ''hip''.

'Hey, look, there's her! Nice dress! Loser...' and they all started laughing. Kat Moore... One of the most popular girls in school. Perfect grades, perfect body, perfect boyfriend, perfect life. Disgusting attitude... She didn't care about Fat Kat.

Now she was walking down the street in full day light. From

 the look of her face you could see that she had been crying. 'Am I that weird that nobody wants to talk to me? My mom doesn't accepte me, I have no friends and I'm considered a freak!'

Reading was a way out of the reality surrounding her, but she

 had found something else to help her. Magic. Paranormal. Wicca. Ouiji Board. Everything related to this. It seem that all these things interested her.

So now she was heading to a place where she saw on the internet: Sabbra Cadabra. She went in and saw all the potions, books, candles and other weird things, like bat wings, dragon claws and cat's whisker. She was looking through the aisles and she saw a book: '283 easy love spells'. She liked the sound of it and went to pay for it.

'4.99' the boy at the counter said.

'Okay. Here it is.' She smiled. He smiled back.

'Noobie, huh?'

'I'm sorry?'

'You're new, in magic.'

'Oh...' she started, 'well... kinda.'

'Okay.' He smiled again. 'I'm Matthew!' he put out his arm.

She did the same and they shook hands.

'Natasha... Delighted!'

DO YOU MIND ?

My mind is a dangerous place
I try not to think at anything just to stay sane
Or a bit sane, as you please,
Maybe I have something, I don't know its name
I don't know the name of the disease.


Is it okay if I continuously scream 'Stop! Stop!' ?
Or do I have to keep it flowing?
Put my head into water 10 degrees
Below, so as the mind would drop
To its normal functioning.


They're not voices, that's just me
It's me who wants this, all this seclusion
Me, a sanity wannabe
Me, your next-door delusion
Me, an unwanted flea.

Me, an unwritten conclusion.

Bleed The Freak

'You can't enter here!
Freaks are not allowed!'
'But, but...' the door is shut
And you're again left alone in the big crowd.


While walking along the street
You see a piece of glass
And look at it to see yourself,
Wondering why do they all feel the need to harass.


There is nothing, nothing out of the ordinary
You start to think they are the freaks
Ruthless, merciless, unkind men
Like huge vultures with their cruel beaks.


It's their doing, their fault!
You're as innocent as a lamb
You don't have to believe what they say
You're definitely not a freak... Damn!


So you go to the next house and knock at the door
They open it and shake their head
While you're trying to get into the house
The people who live there shoot you dead.


You're on the stairs, your blood's all over the 'Welcome' carpet
Your mouth is open and the shot your teeth has spread.
As they look closer, they can see very well the face
Of the well-known freak who was long time dead.

+ Horizontal 8 Ep. 3

'We've known her all our lives and now there's definitely no way of getting her back!' said one of the men choking because of his tears.
'It was her choice, she wanted to come here. Remember?'
Of course he remembered! How could he not? His face became stern.
'Please, don't give me that look... I'm as tired as you are...'
'How could you think that I forgot? She came to me. She asked me for advice. She took my advice. She believed in me. She... I... I didn't know what she was going to do... I didn't know the whole story... I...' And he started crying again.
His friend sighed and looked at him. He was now on his knees, crying and repeating 'I didn't know... I didn't know...'
'She knows all the things you have done for her. All the things we have done for her. Maybe she didn't know what she had gotten herself into... You were a good friend and you helped her. You were always there when she needed help.'
'Then, why was she so selfish? How could she do this to us? How could she do this to me?' His eyes were read from the tears, his lips were trembling and his whole body was shaking continuously.
'She just... You knew the state she was in... Always crying... Until she met him...'
'What about us? God, I feel like I'm the selfish one!'
'No, you're not... I don't know what to say... I never knew. That's why she always came to you because she knew that you always say the right words.' He smiled sadly.
He suddenly stopped and stared at him. Then he looked down.
'You never understood her... It's always black and white to you... Her ideas were shades of gray. But that doesn't mean that she didn't love you! You always made her laugh. Remember her laugh?' For the first time, he smiled.
'Yes, yes I do.' There was a smile in return. 'Look, take my handkerchief.'
He looked at it and started crying again.
It was a present.
Given by her.

Down In A Hole

I'm still breathless, and I can't resurrect
And I'm stuck at this song, it's on repeat.
'Down in a Hole', Layne's words are
I'm down in that hole, I accept defeat.



Part of my growing up, they say,
It will be over and you will one day smile
Maybe they're right, maybe they too were like me in a way
But unlike them, I want to stay in this hole a little while.

Too Late I'm Dead

There have been so many times in which you felt like a Jew in front of Hitler, like a a woman in front of the puritans, like a heretic during the Inquisition, like Anne Boleyn in front of Henry VIII, like a mouse in front of a cat, like a drop in front of the storm, like white in front of black, like a soul in a body, like a coffin in a graveyard.

I'm dead.

Pressure

Wonderful is the instinct of preservation
The things that your mind just block
The things that you don’t know how to handle
The things which you control them with an enormous lock.

You say ‘no’, but inside it's ‘yes’
Up there, it’s like a never-ending hurricane.
Which spins and spins, but in the end
You just want to keep your mind sane.

One day it will all go out
And the crossed out thoughts would be unleashed
Then you will remain silent
Watching the enormous lock broken, unwished.

Fly Away

You sit on the grass, staring at the sky. There are the white clouds, there are the singing birds, there is the choking silence, there are your boring, every day ideas running around. And there, next to one cloud, the one that looks like fuck-cares, is a plane. You remember what they say about planes. Someone loves you... Then this tiny, useless thing becomes an obsession, a superstition, which starts to guide your life and which gives you hope. You start to feed on it, and every time you see a plane, you're all in a 'oh, someone loves me!' kind of mood.

But one day, you're going to travel by plane, you're going to be high in the sky, near the clouds which resemble as another fuck-cares, or maybe that person might give a fuck, next to somebody's running ideas, being a certain person's obsession, superstition, guider of life and giver of hope. A feeder for the soul. A noise for the silence.

+ Horizontal 8 Ep. 2

He rushed through the door. There was sweat on his forehead. He breathed heavily. His eyes were almost falling from his eye sockets. His mouth was open to inhale the air better.
He had run all the way. Where could she be?
'Doctor ! Doctor !' he nervously said.
'Yes, sir! What seems to be the problem?'
'My wife has just given birth ! I'm a father ! I'm finally a father !' His words were flowing out of his mouth and his hands were trembling with excitement. ' I want to see her !'
'That's fine, sir, but in what room is she?' the doctor patiently asked.
'Uhmm... I don't know...' the nervousness suddenly turned into fear.
'Well', the doctor continued, 'what is her name then?'
Her name... Her name... What was her name?... He couldn't remember. His mind was blank. His breathing slowed. The trembling of his hands had gone. Instead, a flush of worry had gotten over him. He looked right into the doctor's eyes and said: 'I don't remember...' He himself couldn't believe it. But it was true ! It was true...
The doctor looked quite surprised. 'Wait here a second, sir.'
The man simply nodded. His look of amazement was transfixed in a single spot of the room. The floor. The plain white marbled floor. With his right hand, he searched a chair behind him. He had found one and slowly sited on it. Not even the floor, or the uncomfortable chair, or the injured people who were around him couldn't stop him thinking of his forgetfulness.
The doctor came back. 'Follow me, please. '
As woken from a reverie, he jumped of his seat and and did as he was told.
Room 283. Oh my God! 283 ! It's the... It's the...
'Hello, Mr. Jefferson !' said the nurse. 'Come in !' He hoped that his wife was okay. His wife, Natasha Jefferson...
He went in the room. On the bed there was the beautiful paled Natasha. She had fallen asleep with a smile on her face. 'Congratulations, you have a baby girl !' said the nurse with his child in her arms.
'Tha... Th.. Thank you !'
He stuttered. He was staring at the little beauty and again, for the second time that day, he didn't know what to say. 'Can I hold her?'
He had her now. Her closed eyes with her little head and her puny hands, always trying to clutch something. Maybe the time until her departure...
'I'm glad to say that your new-born daughter is in perfect health !'
He looked at her and smiled. 'Thank you !'
'Isn't she beautiful?' Natasha said as she was slowly waking up.
'Yes, darling ! Of course she is ! Just as her mother.'
Natasha smiled.

Burden

photo taken by Aran

Vulnerable once
Vulnerable no more
Vulnerable when you asked
Why was I there for?

Vulnerable coeur
My inside you tore
Apart and gone
And I still sore.

Vulnerable before
All these were over
Now your face
In my knife I bore.

La Fourmi de la Vie

‘Should I go there? Should I stay? No, no… I think it's better straight ahead… This is so hard!...’ She sighed and continued her way. ‘Where am I heading to? I really don’t know…’

I looked at her. She seemed so confused. She needed help, but I couldn’t give her advice because I didn’t know where she wanted to go. The circles that she made on the pavement. The squares, too. And let’s not forget the triangles… She really didn’t know where to go to. Like me. The pavement was my life. Her indecision was my opinions. I couldn’t help her… I just couldn’t… So, I stepped on her. She was dead. Next pavement...

+ Horizontal 8

'Where is she? Oh, look! There she is!'
'But what's that?'
'It's her again!'
'But but...'
'No buts! You know that she's everywhere... We just have to do the puzzle.'
So they started searching her. Or at least, what was left of her... One piece here, another one there...
'Yes! Finally! We've got them all! As we were told: there are infinite pieces. We got them all...'
They worked day and night, never once complaining. They wanted her back. They needed her. She was vital for their lives. They couldn't live without her. While she was alive, she realized this, but she didn't care that much. The infinite seemed to attract her, so she chose that instead. This 'game' as they called it was their only way to have her back. The only way to tell her that they loved her...
'Ah! Why don't these two pieces work? They seem like they could, don't they?'
'Yeah, they do. These two don't work either.'
'Hmmm... Weird. Guess we have to search for others. Maybe they will.'
'Yes, i think you're right.'
So, they kept searching for years and years to come...

'Ah! I think I'm ready!'
'Yes, I guess I'm ready too!'
They were looking at her in great amazement. She was beautiful! Just as they remembered her...
'Why isn't she moving? She should be moving because we've made the puzzle, right? Right?' said one of them with worry and horror in his voice.
'Yes, i remember that, too. Hmmm... Look! See there?' and he pointed at where a missing piece should have been.
'I do! But where is it?'
They started searching everywhere! They were like madmen! 'Where could it be?'
After millions of years, one of them saw something glowing in the infinite. 'Maybe that is the one... Yes! Yes! That's the one!' He took it and put it back in place. Both of them had their eyes wide-opened and were waiting any second for her to catch life. But there was nothing. Only silence...
'Where is she?' said one of them impatiently. 'I want her! Where is she?'

Another million year passed and still there was nothing. 'I guess that she's not going to be ours again... All this time would have been nothing if she finally was alive now. But at last, we should go... We can't do more...'
'I guess you're right' said the other one, with tears in his eyes. 'But i did love her...'
'So did I, my friend... So did I...'
And they left.

Out of the Shithole!

Yesterday i went to the Anathema Unplugged concert. As me and my friend were waiting to get an autograph from Vincent Cavanaugh, he said something that Ireene and me started to think about: 'From the countries that i have been to, Romanian people speak English very well. You all realize that you have to get out of this shithole.' It just made me think of a man's need to have a good life and the everyday struggle that he has to put up with, with the world and with himself... The gig was wonderful and breath taking, if you were wondering *hehe*

Porcelain Heart

Perfect stillness, besides the rising of her chest
Watery eyes and a broken smile.
She feels her heart beating through her entire body
Although it had stopped beating for a while.

The pleasure she had offered to her naked shell
Was the one that made the pearl burn.
But looking at the right side of the bed
There wasn’t, isn’t and never will be a heart beating in return.

No One's There

The silence of your thoughts. The memory of the person who you haven’t met. His skin that you haven’t tasted. His eyes that you haven’t looked in. His tender touch that you haven’t felt. The inexistent I LOVE YOU whisper. Emptiness around you and in you, covering you and being you. Missing part. Missing heart. Missing soul. You have it all.

Death Whispered A Lullaby

Whispers around you
Choking your every thought
Where are they coming from?
That’s the only question you’ve got.

They keep telling they need your aid
They pull down your sleeve,
They take you by the hand
You can’t handle this, and try to leave.

But they just won’t lay back
They want more and more
You don’t hear whispers, but another question:
What are you there for?

Then, they just stop
And you hear a whisper that’s slow and mild
It’s the one you wanted to hear, the death’s one saying:
Sleep my child!

Schizophrenic Conversations

What do you want from me?
Why are you coming with your problems?
Can I really out of the box see?
Do you really think I’ve got all the answers?

You are the ones who can’t look further!
You are the ones who can’t use you intuition!
You are the ones who can’t try harder!
You are the ones who can’t get free from your own exhibition!

How could you aware not be
That life, life deprives
How could let a broken thing like me
Be the leader of your lives?

Tattered and Torn

If in an hour the end of the world was near
What would you most fear?
Fear of not knowing
Where your soul is going?

Fear of not achieving lifetime dreams?
Fear of not repenting your sins?
Fear of being alone
Fear of maggots eating your flesh till the bone?

Fear of telling yourself it’s just a lie
Fear of knowing you’ll never again cry
Fear of saying to all goodbye?
No. It’s just the fear that you’ll perish and die.

Ode To The Recycle Bin Icon

It is always so full of files and folders
All you have to do is press Delete and Yes
But if you don’t want them to be here
Just press Delete and Shift
And every file and folder from you computer will forever disappear.

[ This poem is just a joke and should be taken as such. It's an English homework, in fact :P For more info about how it all started, check the poem 'Ode To A Jar Of Pickles' and also Ireene's thing Ode To A Toothpick ]

Me Birthday [ Irish style :D ]

Yeah, it's my birthday... A big 1 and 7 there. Not feeling special. Should I? Oh, I should? Damn...

Still annoyed [ and annoying ], sad, fucked up, 6-houred sleeper, maths-homework hater, KoRn freak&lover, messy-and-all-over-the-face hair, school-desk sleeper, headbanger, trying-a-lot-to-grawl , metal-hand-shower, hugging-a whole-damn-lot, yawning-even-a-more-damn-lot, Edgar Allan Poe fan and many other things that I really can't think of right now.

But I've changed in the past few months, so let's see how I'm going to change from now on. Hugging all my friends, all who aren't my friends, all the people that read this, and everybody :D >:D<

And this is a video that I absolutely XOXOXOXOX and I hope that you will too :P

Zombie

Bang! That was the sound of your heart breaking.
Like a mirror
Smashed into million pieces.

You’re stupefied, you look at them on the floor
And don’t seem to recognize them anymore.

You get down on your knees
Trying to put them back together.
And you just hope and say ‘Please
Don’t do that again! Ever!’

She’s very fragile
As well as the box she's in
Don’t lose her sight,
Know everywhere she has been
Wants to run away? Don’t let her…

A minute ago, something banged!
The next one, a girl was found hanged.

fully movement (response to 'idle movement')

This fluffiness is killing you! You can't stand it anymore! There has to be more than this... The door... Yeah, you want to reach it, but you can't... You wish you could! You just wish... Hey, what are you talking about? You can! And you will! Just get up!

You throw your blanket away, stand straight. You look at your feet, you look at the door, and try to stay upright. You can! You really can! Then you go to the door and realize that it's what you have been wanting for a long time...You did it! Now, the moment you have been waiting for, the promise you made... The killing of your physical and mental killer...

SOAD

This is a post for every SOAD fan... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can't be true! I mean, it's about SOAD! They can't split! Please, no! *crying*

If you like SOAD, please vote up right. It will show how many people really like them :D

Idle movement

Your fluffy bed... You have been waiting a long time for this... You wanted a break from all the fuss that was going around you, which was like a fly that always went on your forehead and couldn't be killed.

Now, you get the rest that you need... A rest from your daily activities, maybe... Your body is in pain. You feel like crap. You just wanted a rest, not this. Your thoughts are running, as you stay in your bed and stare at the circles of smoke, but your body can't run. Every movement of yours is painful. You didn't want it. Yeah, life isn't great, who said that it was, but this? Why?

It is driving you mad. You remember how life was before. You hated it then, but now you hate it even more. You wish death to life. You wish death to your physical and mental killer.

[ :( ]

Free will

A man was in an abyss, staying in the present. He was holding two ropes, the rope of the future and the rope of the past. He got up the rope of the past, because it was easier to climb. He reached the top, but a voice told him that he should go back in the present. So, he climbed down the rope and got to the same point he was before. He then went up the rope of the future. The same voice told him to go back in the present. That’s what he did. And there he let go of the ropes.

No human feelings

No human feelings, remember?
Remember the hatred that you mustn’t unfold?
No word must be tender
Instead, you must be cold.

Look at them smiling pathetically
Are their smiles even true?
Ever person acts like that, generally
Every person, except you.

You felt that some time ago
Yeah, you haven’t forgotten
But now you sank a whole lot low
And your soul has rotten.

The Mirror

She’s very careful
She’s looking to her left and to her right
She’s looking up
She cannot express her fright.

But she continues
It’s not over yet
She’s walking past the bodies
Still no regret.

‘It’s easy!’ she thinks
‘You just have to watch out.’
She laughs and walks faster
No worry, there’s no doubt.

A few steps pass,
And a body takes her ankle hold
One mistake, just one
Was needed to make her old.

She screams, she moves her foot
It finally lets it go
She continues
So…

As time passes
The bodies still touch her
And by every touch
She is elder and elder.

Now, she’s too old
One more mistake can be fatal
She keeps walking cautiously
Till she reaches the end of the hall.

There’s the mirror!
She can see all
She can see her pathetic life
She can see she is tall.

She can see she is fat
She can see she is thin
She can see she is ugly
She can see her every sin.

This is not the mirror!
It’s a fake
This is not the mirror
For fuck’s sake!

She was supposed to see
Tiredness, thirst
All of her struggles
Expect all of the worst.

Depression, black thoughts
Sadness, anger, confusion
Guilt, starvation, uselessness
Underestimation, desolation.

Fright, faith, misanthropy
Powerless, disgust
Hopelessness, stupidity
And let’s not forget lust.

But there was nothing of these.
It showed even fame.
She wanted to see her life
That’s why she wanted to play this sick game.

So, she bashed the mirror
This, she could not stand
She fell down, breathless
She fell down, next to the dead.

JD's bday ^_^

today it's Jonathan Davis' birthday.

HAPPY BDAY and take care of the mic!

Another kind of leapsha

this is from Anca . 5 things that i say ever day.
1. 'oh, c'mon!'
2. 'what the fuck?'
3. ' nu sunt femeie!'
4. 'stop it!'
5. 'mi e somn!'

who wants to take this 'leapsha', be my guest again :P

new hopes, new expectations

another year... who knows what's up with this one? maybe it will be the cooleste ever, maybe it will be okay, just a random one, or maybe it will suck big time... nobody knows.

the only thing that i find it awkward is that you have to prepare yourself for this 'new year' of which you don't know jack shit about, with some crazy superstitions, like wearing something red, having some money upon you, touching something right when it's midnight so that you would have luck in that domain the rest of the year ( all people have drinks in their hands. that means that we're all gonna go to the AA?? ). i just looked at my dad as he was throwing fireworks out of the window, trying to catch a car or one of the loud dogs from the opposite house ( dog lover here! no dog was hurt in this process. do not attempt to do this at home. my dad didn't even reach them ).

well, just do what you want to do and that's that. HAPPY NEW YEAR and i wish that this one will be better than the one that has passed. hugs to all >:D<