What the fuck is wrong with me???

What the fuck is wrong with me??? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as mass murderer You need to kill on a large scale. You are a pure adrenaline junkie. You are probrobly very good at improvising when it comes to going on a rampage and utterly fucking useless otherwise. mass murderer 72% Pyromaniac 56% Black sheep 50% Multiple personality disorder 39% Psychopath 33% sociopath 28% Self destructive 17% Delusional 17% Just stupid 17% Poop thrower 11% Paranoid 11% serial killer 0% Just wierd 0% Just morally fucked 0%

i'm gonna kill you all!!! muahahahah!!! >:) be afraid... be very afraid...

sick sad little world

alone in the dark... the sound of the wind helping the branches of the tree to knock into the window like an annoying wood-pecker... creepy!

little tommy had his eyes wide open... he was scared... he stood still with his blanket over his head, trying not to breath too loud so that he could not be heard... then, a noise! he shuddered, but still didn't want to reveal his hiding place...

in a second, there was a thunder. tommy screamed! his dad came in. "what's wrong?" he questioned. "there was this monster! i heard him! he's trying to take me away!" the boy yelled with hot burning tears flowing down his cheeks. "there's nothing to be worried about!" tommy was assured by his father. "now, go back to bed and we will talk in the morning. good night!"

the next day, there was such a big fuss in the house. every member of the boy's family had to go somewhere, leaving poor tommy without attention and without an explanation for the night that had passed. it was like everyone had forgotten him...

after they were all gone, the little boy remembered that he had to meet a friend in the forest to play.

while walking towards it, a car stopped next to him. "wanna ride?" asked the man behind the steering wheel. "my mom told me not to talk to strangers." replied tommy. "but i'm not a stranger. look, my name is patrick. what's yours?". "i'm tommy.". "nice to meet you tommy. look, now we're not strangers anymore.". " yeah, i guess you're right...", said the boy. "so, where are you heading to?". "i was going towards the forest.". "oh, but a little boy like you can't go there by himself... want me to take you there?", said patrick with a big smile on his face. "mom said not to talk to strangers. but i know his name. it's patrick. so, there's no harm", thought tommy. "okay. thank you very much!". "you're welcome, tommy!"

after a mile or so, the boy realized that they weren't going on the road to the woods. "hei, this is not the way! my dad always takes me there, and i know this is not the way!", cried tommy. ". " your mother was right, tommy! you shouldn't talk to strangers!"

after a two-week search from the police, tommy was found in the forest. naked. with a foot in the river, like he was trying to get out. his little tongue was touching the ground, as he had his eyes wide open and out of their orbits. ants were on him and you could see the mosquito bites. there was also found seaman and his penis was one meter away from his body, a sign of loosing his purity even before he could fully understand what it really meant.

his parents were shocked to see these things. his mother started crying like she had never did in her life. his father's jaw was shaking uncontrollably. they both were thinking of the day when they couldn't stop for two seconds to look at their only child... looking as his flesh and bone, the father said: "the monster took him away!"

(inspired by the film "paradise lost. the child murders in the robin hood hills")

Nothing to do

The years that have passed with nothing to do
Have been shallow
But that thing kind of changed after i met you
And after the first 'hello'.

Just a look, just a gaze,
Just a quick peak,
Now it's just a memory, a faze,
And i have become weak.

Weak of trying to get through you,
Through what you really are
To know what you will next do
Be near to me or run far.

I'm still waiting,
A new feeling i bore
The one you want repeating
The one when you want more and more.

Angry, sad and confused
Not knowing which one i feel most
Maybe i was used,
Maybe, but i still fell like a ghost.

I felt special, helpless and protected
Maybe i wanted attention
It's over now, i might just forget it
And put my soul this question

I ask mysel'
Why do i even bother
I think i'll better get back in my shell
So that i can be hurt by no other.

Leapsha

BEST

Male friend: lots of male friends ;))
Female friend: same answer
Vacation: all of them
Age: when i'll be 156 years old
Memory: not so good...


WORST

Time of day: in the morning, towards school, at school
Day of the week: monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, sunday ( without saturday )
Food: don't like eating. so, i guess, kinda all :))
Memory: had an answer for this one, but i can't seem to remember...


LAST

Person you saw: my mom
Person you talked on the phone: Summer ( >:D< )
Hugged: i hugged a lotta people today ;)) like always :P
Text Message: Ireene ( >:D< )
IM: Ella ( :P >:D< ) YESTERDAY

What did you do: woke up, went to school, got bored... something like that... went home, learned at chemistry
Who were you with: colleagues and parents
Bad/Good day: bad, but it could have been worse...
Lose something: thank god, no. that would have been 'the perfect day' ever
Fall out with someone: nope.


TODAY

What are you doing now: listening to Static-X ( :X:X )
Today in general: chemistry semester paper, need a lotta industrial metal...
Wearing: prada :P ( hell no :)) )
What did you eat for lunch: i was at school then, so nothing
Better than yesterday: no maths :-> that's something ;))


TOMORROW

Is: friday
Got any plans: can't think of any...
Getting lucky: really? you know better than i do then :P
Dislikes about tomorrow: school
Do you have work: yup


FAVORITES

Number: 2
Song: don't gimme that... too many to answer...
Color: blue
Season: spring and summer ( >:) )
State: next!
With someone: dunno yet
Missing someone: always :))
Mood: sleepy (:|
Wanting: nothing and everything

If you wanna do this too on your blog, be my guest :P

no sense, no use...

oasis... 'wonderwall' and 'don't look back in anger'... two songs that help you a whole lot if you're feeling like there's no point... what i'm saying here is definitely in contradiction with a certain post of mine, but a person expresses in writing the feelings that he or she has in that moment... and this is the moment when i think that life isn't a good 'solution'...

when you know that the people you care about the most feel miserable, you feel the same with them... and then you start to question yourself 'why? why does it have to be this way?' when were your friends the last time happy? and why can't they continue to be happy and joyful?... and we just carry on with our lives...

politics

"Don't wanna talk about politics
Refuse to talk about politics
Don't let me talk about politics"
but just this thing ( for the ones who don't know the lyrics, it's Korn ).

if i ever hear the words "this is romania", "everyone is corrupt" or something related to politics, i think that i'm going to pull all my hair out!! i'm sick and tired of everyone saying that!! could you stop it? it's getting really annoying, you know! yeah, yeah, we all know the stuff... politicians are corrupt... nothing goes right in our country and whatever... but do we really have to say that every time? while you're on the street? with the people in the bus that you don't know? no, i don't think so!

but until i'm not going to hear this so often... " Don't wanna talk about politics......."

wtf?? is this music??

okay... not a very good day today... i mean, i laughed a whole lot and there were some super funny moments, but as i was coming home, something happened...

i was in a tram, listening to music and i had to get off in a few minutes.

then, there came two bitc... girls, sorry, who got on and were listening to 'manele' ( a type of music which a lot of romanian people listen to and another 'lot of' swear the first 'lot of' 's f....g brains off! ). i had to get off, and i was going towards the door. although you think i couldn't hear anything because of the 'symphonic black metal' i was listening to ( just kidding! it was something indie ), i heard them say that i left because i didn't want to hear their music ( wow! they used their brains! amazing! but i wonder how they got this preposterous idea... )

i didn't say anything because i didn't want to go home running... they also said that they would smack me or something like that... now it looks that their brains used up all their energy to think that i didn't want to listen to their fucking music, and now they just took a 'vacation'...

so, as you can imagine, and i know that YOUR brain is working, i was pissed. i mean, what's their problem? i didn't even comment about their music! i didn't say anything, although i wanted to say a million words, one 'more pleasant' than the other... but, i didn't even look at them... so, why did they say that?

this shows that it really is a link between the way you are as a person and the music that you listen to... okay, okay, i wanted to say your IQ...

damn 'coincidences'!!

walking back home on a foggy november night... it isn't that cold, but i feel dizzy and stranded... it's only me... and my thoughts... stop! stop! i keep hearing them! please, someone tell them to stop! i don't want this anymore...

i want to cry, but as i said, i feel really dizzy... i don't know how i can stand straight... there's no wind, and in my ear there's Three Days Grace, but i can't get away from the voices...

they tell me such crazy things, not suicidal, but about this night... funny how some things happen to you, and you just say: 'no, that's not true! it's just a coincidence...' well, is it? i mean, some things happen to us, inexplicable things, and you try to find an answer for them. but you can't... and you say that it's 'just a coincidence'...

but, how could that happen then and there? 'if i hadn't taken the bus, i wouldn't have arrived there and would have missed the concert, which was one of the most important things in my life'; 'if i had made one step closer to him, we would have both died...' some stuff just happen because they are willing to happen, not that they are, as we call them, 'coincidences'. some of them are good, some bad. if they're bad, then we try to figure out why did that happen to you. the answer is simple: 'because that's life. life sux!' it just wants you to make you feel like shit. and when a good thing happens, it is likely probable to be repeated, and maybe a worse one is sitting in the corner, just waiting to attack you when you feel the last person in the world...

stupid changes, stupid time...

let's say you're 14... and you're in the 8th grade and you're one-year distance to go to high school...

well, you have finally got there! everything's so new! new classmates, new teachers, new subjects... you think it's going to be alright, even though you're a little afraid at the beginning...

but, in the 10th grade ( or sometimes in the 9th grade ), after a lot of bad marks, you start to think: 'am i stupid? no, course i'm not. but look at me. a 7 at maths? a 6 at informatics? what happened?...'

in some cases, that might be true ( don't shoot, don't shoot! ), but in MOST cases, it's not your fault... you tried to learn, haven't you? you really did try... but it seems that it was not enough... so, you just say: 'fuck it! i don't need their bull$#!+!' but, you still have to do the homework, which occupies almost all of your free time... don't feel like doing anything, so you sit like a vegetable in front of the computer, talking on messenger, writing something on your blog because you know that the 6 at informatics won't change too soon.

it's not that you're lazy or 'just a teenage kid', but it's that the teachers aren't as you expected at the beginning... so, you just get in a fight with the your parents, with your form teacher, just to have them ( the teachers, doh! ) 'removed'. but, nobody does anything. so, in the end, why bother? just do the homework that you think is the necessary and that's that... or move to another high school..

pain&suffering = imagination&fame?

for the past two days, i have been listening to Tool. i like their style of music, their 'art rock', with dark lyrics, and you figure out that there's something behind all of these...

and there is 'prison sex' from the 'undertow' album. i have looked for the lyrics and it seems that there's something about them...

so, i started to look for explanations. the song is about child abuse, and the guy who wrote it, Maynard James Keenan, the vocalist of Tool, was always feeling strange in the interviews about this song. in his childhood, he didn't get along with his stepfather... you think the rest...

the thing that i'm totally ("like... totally!!!") surprised is that the video, which was made by Adam Jones, the band's guitarist, is interesting and hides something... first, watch the video :)




okay. so, now that you have seen the video, i'm not going to make a psychological interpretation of it because it would take a lot of time to analyze every idea of the song. many people have different opinions and some of them aren't even on the same line with the explanations that Maynard has given...

the only thing that i can say, and it's shorter, is that i like the way the characters were made and how they expressed the feelings that a person can have when she/he is raped: fright, incapability of movement and weakness.

but let's get to what i was supposed to type. because of this tragic event, Maynard without a doubt, remained with the memories of that day. and it consequently damaged his future and his adulthood (i'm starting to sound like a psychologist... sorry...). but, with this, he made this incredible song, with a meaningful content and with this strange and interesting video.

so, some people, when they had a tragic event in their life, they can truly make something wonderful, which might help others who have been through the same thing realize that they are not alone and they can pass it taking baby steps. this means that suffering can create good things. why some really good song have a sad story behind them? "Daddy" - Korn, "Passive" - A Perfect Circle, "Angry Chair" - Alice In Chains... i don't deny that there aren't great songs that talk about love and happiness, but we don't feel happy and "loveful" all the time... some of us might have scarcely felt them... well, we have our bad times and our dark secrets. and if we could tell them to others, maybe we will suffer less...

two parts of the same knife

'why don't you get it that you're a loser? you don't belong in this world! you barely find love! the love that you need!'

'wait... maybe i need more time... maybe after a couple of days or so, things will straightened up a little...'

'no, you don't have any time! it's too late... you don't belong here... you're a creep and you'll never enjoy life as it should... so why waste time at all?'

'yeah, you're right...'

'but you don't have to kill yourself... the pain inside is doing that, without your help... just enjoy it slowly, and silently... and even then, you won't regret the consequence of this action...'

'yeah, it's true... it doesn't compare with the pain before... thx!'

cowardice?...

"no, i'm not telling him that! i don't want to see him cry in front of me, asking me what he has done wrong or if i could give him another chance... no way!"
some girls tell that. or it might be vice-versa, but let's take this example...

chicks are afraid of telling the guy they once loved and thought he was the perfect guy for them, that it's over.

sometimes, this truly can be a difficult thing, but think of the poor dude. how could he feel in this situation? when he tries to call you and you hang up? when he comes to pick you up from school, and you're leaving through the other entrance, just not bump into him?...

and the rough part... the friend who is in between. who is the best friend of the chick, and is becoming a good friend with the guy. what about her? don't you think that the guy will ask her about you? and what would your best friend tell him, when she sees him with tears in his eyes, saying that he loves you and that he wants you back? that's not a nice situation, especially for the person who is your "best friend". she is, if she helps you, but what about you?

so, don't make the mistake to put your own on the shoulders of the one that cares about you (your best friend). and don't hurt the feelings of the person that loves you. you should try to explain your feelings. it might be hard, and people might be very angry with you, but they will finally understand the decision you took.

what if...

Today… Monday… first day of the week… NOT for everything… was going to high school… was getting off of the tram and was crossing the street because I was kinda late anyway…

It was green for me. I didn’t look at both sides, and a car stepped over my foot and stopped. I wasn’t in the argue mode, so I continued walking so that I could catch the bus. I didn’t say anything to the driver, I don’t know if the guy said something, because I was listening to music.

Whatever… the whole thing was weird! I have times when I say that I wanna die, or that I have liked to have never been born at all, but today made me think a little…

What person hasn’t said, at least once in his lifetime, that he wants to die? To be erased from the face of the earth or to disappear? I think that everyone, but what if it really happened? I mean, you just cross the street while going to school, work, home at your loved ones, and a car runs over you, and you die. Instantly. What would that be like? You may probably say: ‘ I dunno. I’ll be dead.’ Not that simple…

So, even though you have got a lot of problems and you feel like you can’t stand it anymore, hang on! I know it sounds cliché, but you have a family that loves you, friends that care about you. don’t let them down. they need you, and you need them. There will be better times, and then you will have with whom to share them.

where did the childhood go?

A few days ago, I was thinking at something… I’m a rather calm, but if you step on my tail, I do react. Besides this, I leave you alone so that you can scream in peace. I didn’t do stupid things, and all my life I have been considered a good child and a hard-working pupil.

THAT’S THE THING! Why? Kids, these days, are taught to act like adults, not like children. For example, two years ago, in the 8^th grade, I told my mom that I wanted to have guitar lessons. She agreed, but in the 9^th grade => fiddlesticks!

This year, I wanted to take up skateboarding. Mom, this time, asked herself where could I possibly get this idea from? It might be better for me to stay indoors , learning, ‘just so that she would know me safe’ or to have tutoring at 52121111312 thousand subjects, instead of doing something more interesting, something foolish, or, as a best friend said, ‘a sport that breaks your legs, but also rises you up in heaven’.

Generally, parents are afraid to acknowledge that you have grown up. Since you were little, they have been telling you when you were wrong, even though it might not have been a big mistake. They don’t let you be a child! You get through this period, which is an important one, and after that, you wake up at 16 and realize that you have grown up rapidly and that you have to slow it down, but you can't.

It’s a bummer to know that you can’t turn back time, to become a child again, because you’re already a teenager, but you don’t want to face the problems that you have now either. So, you’re kinda stuck in two different states, like two parallel worlds… life is strange…

strange thing for humanity

a few days ago, while I was walking home from school, I met an ex-neighbour, who was first year. she asked me how was it going and in what class i was. I told her that in the 10^th grade. she looked at me, smiled and said :’take me with you!’

I know that she made a joke, but this thing really made me think a little. it’s true! people want better times. we don’t realize that maybe the day that we think this is a happy one and that it’s possible that rough times are to come. we all want time to pass quickly, to get over the hard times, and when this happens, we put ourselves in front of even bigger problems than before and we start to think how happy we were last year, last month, yesterday…

so, in a way, we should enjoy the present because nobody knows what might happen next. this thinking, not that it isn’t mine, but I see it as a sad one, too. why? why do we have to suffer? to have feelings? can’t we be robots? so that we can work manually? just press the automatic pilot button?

no, it doesn’t seem that way. we have to live in this s#!tty world, in which you suffer, your family suffers, you friends suffer… what the h3ll? we all suffer! some more, others less. but, we all do. let’s hope that there will be a time when everybody will suffer no more… dream on…

whatever...

I’m in my room, listening to music… now it’s 3 doors down – here without you… I’m not listening to it because it has a link with what I’m feeling right now, I just like it a lot… and It’s a love song…

as usual, i'm sad... it's about me, not my family, not my friends... I sometimes feel like I don’t belong anywhere… like everything doesn’t make sense… I had this feeling before, but I hate it from the bottom of my heart! I hate to hate! But I continue to do it, continue to hate…

I feel like crying a lot. I have already done that, on creep and supergirl, but it was just a bit. I can’t cry anymore. I always say this and I don’t know if it’s true, or I’m just telling it so that I can assure myself that everything is okay… everything is not okay… nothing is…

I wish I would disappear, just to clap my hands or whistle and everything would be over… my problems… my life…

Who is reading this might think of me a wacko or something bad happened to me… no, I’m not pregnant.. wow, i can still make a joke... that's a good thing, or just a step for a better one…

Enough with the chit-chat. What I wanted to say is that, until now, I repressed my feelings, the ones that every person has. I’ve beaten them so far, but tonight, I collapsed… can’t stand it anymore! This is not a ‘I-wanna-kill-myself’ ticket, so the person who is reading this, if somebody is, can chill.

You just have some moments when you think: ‘okay… I was born… now what??’ nothing happened! Nothing is happening! And it’s possible that nothing will happen! ... then, why enjoy life after all? just another thing to occupy your time with... and, in my point of view, waste of time!

Maybe better times will come… who knows? Please, someone tell me if that’s what it’s gonna be… please… people say that we have bad times just so that when we have the good ones, we should learn to appreciate them… whatever… who wants to believe that, be my guest… I don’t… omg, incubus – drive…

l'amour........

okay, my first article on my blog… cool, huh? some would say… yeah, it might be...

my first subject to talk about... love... wow… gets creepier by the minute...

let's say that you're just a teenager and you feel in love with someone... yeah, true love... yupy... then, you start to talk with that person (if you have the courage, that is...), and you find out that you have some things in common... and then you start to ask yourself millions of questions (does he/she like me? will he/she talk with me in the future? am i gonna have his babies??) and become stressed for what?? Just because you don’t know if a guy likes you or not? this is truly a stupid reason. (i think i have got a little carried away with the babies part... sorry...)

but that’s what we are. we have stupid thoughts which, in our opinion, leave a big question mark. or we do know how to solve the problem, but just because of our stubbornness, we don’t want to make them come true.

it’s strange… for people, love is very important… some believe in love at first sight, others in soul mates… love is an irreplaceable thing in our life. why? why did we have to be ‘gifted’ with this? so as the world should be a better place? there is love, but the people aren’t so good… that’s what i remember from the TV news, which I seldom watch. but yet I realize that something is wrong… sad, as a friend of mine usually says…

the world can’t live without love! and the ones who don’t have it, try to get it… however they can… even if that means showing off no matter what the consequences are… sad again…

so… dunno…ques sera, sera… c’est la vie!... love is dead, and the world lives anyway…